Yes, I am using a similar and often the same meter as Adam Mansbach's original ode to his kids of "Just Go The F*ck To Sleep". I am well aware of this, that shit was genius. There is no intent on my behalf to make any money from this gem, simply to entertain you all, so I think I should be okay to move forward with it.
And no, I doubt Samuel L. Jackson will be reading this anytime soon, but if Morgan Freeman is available and you know him, then let him know.
Without further ado, for your reading pleasure, here is:
Please Just Eat Your Fucking Food
I hear your tiny tummy rumbling now,
I asked what do you want, you said "you choose".
Then taco Tuesday it is tonight, my prince.
Now, please just eat your fucking food.
Look at your brother, he's a goddamn disposal.
You used to eat well, what happened to you?
No chocopuffs or yogurt pops, buddy.
Just eat your fucking food.
You're not watching TV, you're not having ice cream.
Ground beef plus tortillas equals tacos, dude.
Yes, you can have that banana as soon as you clean your plate.
But for now, eat your fucking food.
You have to take a piss? Fine, go ahead.
Your tacos are cold, but what's that to you?
Don't forget to wash your hands,
and get back and eat your fucking food.
I appreciate your robot impression
and I love all your hugs, really I do.
I'm getting hemorrhoids just sitting here,
Hey C3PO, Johnny 5 says eat your fucking food.
Yes, I see the grasshopper on the window.
Yes, tomorrow you are going to school.
No, I'm not a teacher but here is a spelling lesson,
eat your f-u-c-k-i-n-g food.
It's 7:45 and I served you at 7
Your brother and I are bored so just chew!
No I don't want to try your taco, know why?
'Cause I ate all of my fucking food.
Angry? What makes you think I am angry?
Oh...because Dadda is coming unglued?
Well, yes, I'm sort of miffed after an hour
and I see half a fucking plate of your food.
Your brother is screaming and you still need a bath.
Here, I'll show you what you have to do.
Just eat all of your vegetables, this taco meat
and then you'll o-fucking-fficially have eaten your food.
Bath time is over, time to get ready for bed now.
What?!? Your hungry? Va fungoul!
Tough titties, life sucks, so sad, too bad
Guess who should have eaten their fucking food.
You and your brother are in bed now, finally,
I can sit down and crack a brew.
Then I hear you yell: "Dadda, I pooped in my diaper, come change me."
How is that possible without eating your fucking food?